Understanding
by Lark11
Summary: A continuation of Confession. Lois and Clark meet up at the Smallville Fair! I included a slight nod to LnC. I think this will be it for awhile. Thanks to those who commented. They were quite encouraging and motivated me to keep writing!


Understanding

After revealing his secret to Lois, Clark couldn't stay in his house. The silence that pervaded only forced him to confront every moment of their conversation, an image of Lois' hurt face constantly springing up to the forefront of his memory. He had to get away.

As the sun set, he found himself at the fair. He wasn't sure exactly how he ended up there, but the noise of the crowds allowed him momentary respites from thoughts of Lois. Only now and then, when he saw couples walking arm in arm, or heard a woman's laughter from a distance, or caught glimpses of shining dark brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, did he become fully aware of the weight of his legs, the ache in his chest. _Better than silence and the voice in your head_, he reminded himself every time he felt like leaving.

Eventually, though, the noise of the masses became unbearable. The clings and clangs of games, the roar of teenagers on the Zipper were no longer distractions. They began to serve as reminders of what could have been. To think that he could have been there with Lois. He probably would have won her a giant teddy bear, and though she would have complained about having no place for it, he knew that the next time he was in her apartment, he would probably find it sitting comfortably on her bed. _Why did you have to tell her today?_ he asked himself.

But he knew that he had to. He was certain he did the right thing, for both Lois and for himself. Before they continued on with their relationship, he wanted her to know the whole truth about him. He hadn't expected her to take it very well. In fact, she took it better than he imagined, but imagination was one thing; reality was another, and the reality was: watching Lois leave hurt him more than he could have imagined.

After wandering aimlessly around the fairgrounds for what seemed like hours, Clark began to distance himself from the throngs of people and started to make his way home. He was lost in his thoughts - an amalgam of the happiness he had so recently felt and the sorrow he was now feeling. He came to the painful realization of the transient nature of happiness. It was really just a collection of moments that passed. So as he was ruminating over the treasure trove of such moments with Lois that he had accumulated over the years, he realized that it was only possible for him to feel the way he did because just a few weeks before he had literally and figuratively floated on air. The harsh reality of the ground beneath him as he walked up the hill separating the fair from the rest of the town was almost too much to bear. It dawned on him that this was the life with Lois Lane. He wasn't in control when they hovered above her balcony. She was. She did that. She had the extraordinary ability to take him to higher ground, and now, he found that because of that, she was the only who was capable of making him miserable. It was a frightening thought, but, as soon as it entered his mind, he accepted it. He welcomed it because it made him feel truly alive.

Just as he reached the top, though, he vaguely registered a slender figure approaching him. He slowed his footsteps as he walked down the slope, and when he recognized her, his heart nearly stopped. He couldn't read her expression, but he watched as she continued up the slope to meet him.

"Hey, Smallville," she called.

They stopped, and Lois kept him at an arm's length. They could hear the fair on the other side of the hill, but standing there together, they seemed to be the only two people in the world.

"Lois. What are you doing here?" Clark asked, genuinely surprised.

"I stopped by the farm, and you weren't there, so I took a chance," she explained in an attitude quite different from what she last left him with.

"I thought you'd gone back to Metropolis by now," Clark replied.

"Well, after I huffed and puffed my way out of your house, I had ever intention of stalking over to Chloe's and ranting about your little confession." The hurt in her voice was gone and was replaced with her usual light tone. "But about half way to my car, I realized how stupid I would have probably sounded to her. And then I realized how stupid I must have sounded to you."

"You didn't sound stupid, Lois," Clark responded with more intensity than his words necessitated.

"Then," she shrugged, "I guess maybe it was just me." She stepped towards him but maintained some distance. "Anyway, I stuck around and decided to go for a walk – to cool off."

"A walk? Where?"

"Just around here."

"That must have been exciting," Clark replied dryly.

"More like surprising." Off Clark's quizzical look, Lois continued deliberately, her voice a mix of playfulness and sincerity, "The first time I arrived in Smallville, I couldn't wait to leave. And then I found family – and a friend. And I realize that this isn't just Nowheresville to me anymore. This is the place lightning struck." She smiled at him (her first since she saw him), pausing to allow the reference to conjure the memory. "As I was strolling along today, everywhere I went, I thought of you. Not in your current, fully formed state – but as a kid. I passed by the Main Street diner, and I wondered if your parents ever took you there, and if you begged and begged them for the banana split for dinner instead of an actual meal. And then I passed by the park, and I wondered if you ever played on the jungle gym, and whether you'd ever fallen off and hurt yourself. But then I remembered that that would have been impossible since, you know, you're invulnerable and all. And then that got me to thinking about what it must have been like for you to have found that out for the very first time. I hear puberty is really tough on boys, but, uh, superpowers? That must have brought in a whole different set of problems." She paused and took a couple of more steps towards him, her arms crossed. "Growing up, wherever I went, I always felt like I was from a different planet. So I can't even imagine what it must be like to find out that you _are_ from a different planet – how alone you must have felt."

Clark glanced down. It had been a struggle. It still was sometimes; but he sensed that Lois wasn't finished, so he remained silent, watching her as she turned from him and looked up at the night sky shimmering with stars.

"When I'd go up to see you in your loft, I'd catch you looking up at the stars. You did that a lot, and sometimes, I'd watch you for a minute before saying anything, and I'd wonder what you were wondering." Lois looked at him again and met his eyes. "I don't presume to know exactly what it was, but now I think I have some vague idea."

Clark gave her a meek smile. "Lois, you don't have to feel sorry for me."

"Why would I feel sorry for you?" Lois scoffed. "You're the one with super human abilities – not to mention terrific parents who loved you and took care of you and friends who are loyal to you and always will be. I don't feel sorry you, Smallville." Lois paused and then added, "In fact, I admire you."

Clark furrowed his brow. "Admire me?"

"Yeah. With your abilities, Clark, you could have turned out to be a real tyrant. Anyone with a lesser heart than yours would have definitely taken advantage of it. But you didn't. You turned out to be – well - you. You know, it's like whoever made you decided to use the best qualities of the entire human race – times ten. Which is not to say that you aren't annoying sometimes, because you are – most of the time, actually. But you could have turned out a lot worse."

"Well, I guess I have my parents to thank for that," he explained. His tone now was taking on Lois', playful and blithe, "But you should know that sometimes I did use my abilities for less than noble reasons – making the football team, for one." He added more quietly, "I guess I just wanted to fit in and feel normal."

"Normal? You're anything but normal, Smallville." Noticing that Clark's smile was fading into a pained expression, Lois quickly added, holding her hands out in protest, "And _not_ because you told me about your – _Kryptonian_ heritage. Is that right?" Clark nodded, smiling softly. Lois shrugged and continued on her train of thought. "Normal is arbitrary, Clark. It's relative to time and place - and people. Anything out of the ordinary is not normal, and from the moment I crashed into that cornfield and found you lying there, _buck_ naked, I knew that _you_ were completely out of the ordinary." She crossed her arms again and added in a more serious tone, "I've never met anything like you before, Clark, even without your abilities. If this whole world were made up of super beings like you, you still wouldn't be ordinary to me."

"Lois," Clark started, "I can't even begin to tell you how much that means to me. But I feel – I feel like - " He struggled, unable to find the right words to do his feelings justice. Collecting his thoughts, Lois' loving eyes providing him with courage, he continued slowly, "I don't ever want to hurt you, but I've come to realize that there are things I have to do. I might have to cut a date short, or leave at a ridiculously inopportune time. But the last thing I want to do – is disappoint you."

"Then just come back," Lois responded with a slight shrug and laugh, as if it was all so simple. And maybe it was.

"What?"

"Every time you have to leave and be the hero, come back. I'm sure I'll be irritated sometimes, knowing me, but as long as you promise to come back, I think I'll be okay."

"Will that be enough?"

Lois groaned in frustration. "What are you doing, Smallville?" she demanded, circling him.

"I'm just making sure that you're sure!" he exclaimed in the same authoritative tone, his eyes never leaving her.

"Of course I'm sure!" She was getting angry. "Look," she continued, "I appreciate that you wanted to be fair to me by telling me, by giving me an out, knowing what I went through with Oliver. But," Lois stepped towards him, the distance between them growing smaller, "you must know that what I felt for Oliver a long time ago is nothing compared to what I feel for you. Clark, what I feel for you - and how much I feel it – I've never felt for anything in my life, not even close. I can't walk away from you. Why don't you get that?"

Clark responded as passionately as Lois, "I just don't want to - " but he stopped short because tears were beginning to gather in his blue eyes, causing his voice to waver. He took a deep breath before continuing in a more controlled tone, "I don't want to be even more in love with you than I already am, to depend on you, to need you and have you be the only thing I need - and then to not have you there one day."

Lois' anger immediately dissipated into the puddle that was her heart. She took Clark's hand in hers and whispered, "Do you actually believe I'd do that? That I'd stand here and tell you that I want to be with you only to disappear on you?"

And when he looked into her eyes – now, like his, tearful yet strong - he knew the answer. Lois Lane was like nothing else in his life. He had never encountered anyone like her, and standing there, feeling the warmth of her hand in his, he knew that he never would. There at that moment, her hazel eyes carrying a promise he never felt was destined for him, Clark Kent never felt more loved, more protected, more human in his life. "No," he whispered. "I trust you, Lois. I don't think I've ever trusted anyone more than I trust you. I just don't know what's going to happen. Things might get even more complicated."

"Great! You know me, the more complicated, the better," she said half-jokingly. She allowed herself a little laugh and then added in a more gentle tone, "Look, I don't know what's going to happen, either, but I do know that whatever does, I want it to happen with you." Looking straight into Clark's eyes, she flashed him a beaming smile. "Besides, Smallville, I am way too in love with you to just let you go."

Clark let out a breath and allowed his mouth to form a boyish grin. "You know, I think that's the first time you've ever said that out loud. To my face, I mean."

Lois looked away, slightly embarrassed, but then she looked back at him, a stern expression on her face, her eyes narrowed. "What do you mean to your face?"

Now it was Clark's turn to shift his eyes and blush. Lois punched his shoulder with her free hand. "That's not fair. You can't use your super hearing when I'm secretly confessing my love for you on my apartment balcony." Clark laughed, and Lois continued, "God! What I wouldn't give for that power sometimes."

"Well, if you had super hearing right now, you'd probably only hear my heart beating."

Lois gave him an amused look. "You are such a sap, Smallville. Anyway, I don't need super hearing for that." She placed her hand on his chest. "I can feel it." They stared at each other for a moment before Lois added with a glint in her eyes, "It's probably not beating as fast as mine, though."

Clark smiled at the woman he loved adoringly. "Do you always have to win?"

She scrunched up her nose. "I thought you'd be used to it by now."

They smiled at each other before leaning in for a deep kiss. Even though they had kissed several times before, every kiss felt new, awakening sensations that threatened to overwhelm them wherever they were.

Breaking apart, Lois tugged at Clark's jacket collar. "Come on. I'm dying for a funnel cake, and you promised to win me a giant teddy bear." She ran to the top of the hill and glanced down at the lights from the Ferris wheel.

Clark caught up with her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Say it again, Lois," he whispered in her ear.

Lois frowned and responded, not looking at him, "Say what again?"

"That you love me. I didn't think I would ever hear you say that to me."

She turned around to face him, grinning. "You're not the only one, you know? But, sorry, Smallville," her smile took on a more mischievous quality, "you'll have to earn it."

Clark laughed. "Oh, I see."

She started to make her way down to the fair when Clark suddenly caught her hand. She looked up at him and noticed that his face had grown serious, but his eyes were alight with a happiness she had never seen before, or perhaps it was because she was looking at them with her own happy eyes.

He pulled her up to where he stood and cupped her face. His eyes moved over her face before finally settling into her eyes. "I love you, Lois. So much that I can't even imagine a time I didn't."

Despite her best efforts, Lois Lane couldn't prevent the corners of her mouth from curling into a barely contained smile. She tiptoed to kiss him and rested her forehead on his. Without another thought and in a voice that recalled her late-night balcony confession, she whispered, "I love you, too, Clark."

He'd earned it. And frankly, so had she.


End file.
